Two days ago I was with chilling my classmates, discussing. Somehow we started talking about parenting, and someone said he is going to be a good father. I thought about the statement and said “Hopefully, I’ll be a good father”. Another person reacted to what I said. The person felt I sounded too pessimistic or too passive. I tried to explain that what I said was that I’ll try to do my best to be a good father, but it is possible things turn out differently. My stance was that I couldn't categorically say that I’d be a good father. There is a considerable amount of time till I become a father (ceteris paribus), and a lot could happen that could stop me from being a good father. I explained, that it was possible that in the time between now and when and I become a father, I could start drugs and become messed up, I could have cancer, and become bitter about life, and a lot of other things could happen that could stop me from being a good father. It appeared that I was being far more pessimistic than necessary, but it didn’t appear so to me. In my opinion, these sad things happen, and they happen unexpectedly and unpredictably. I did not believe that I have complete control over what happened in my life. Forces and influences exist that are above what I could control.
The next day, something happened that illustrated exactly why I had that kind of mind set. I wrote an article shortly after waking up that day, and I planned to type it and edit it later in the day. The day went on, and when I was about to start to typing and editing it, my power-pack blew (it literally had a tiny explosion). After the reality of the explosion, and its implication that my power pack was damaged, dawned on me, I felt rather strange. I hadn’t planned on my power-pack exploding that day, but there I was, without a power-pack. I left my department, and took a walk to clear my head. I thought furiously about what I could do. I was broke to the last dime, I couldn’t call home, because I had just done so two day earlier to ask for money for a racket, and it had already been sent. I knew I couldn’t borrow from my friends, because I had tried to do that when I needed money for the racket, and they, like me, were also broke. It seemed like I was doomed to be without a power-pack for at least a few weeks. The consequences of being without a power pack was really, really grimy. It would mean asides eating and having my bath, I would have nothing else to do till I could fix it. I had experienced what it felt like to be without a laptop, earlier in the year, and it wasn’t something I looked forward to. I almost lost my mind then. Besides, I had so much to do this time around, that I just simply couldn’t be without my laptop.
My mind battled furiously on finding a way out of the apparent quagmire I was in. Then out of nowhere, someone occurred to me. A friend I could borrow money from to get a new one. I called him immediately and asked him if I could borrow it from it. He agreed, and I was instantly relieved of my feelings of desperation.
I started thinking about what happened, and I remembered the discussion of the previous day, and I saw that I wasn’t completely wrong in my opinion. Life actually does happen, and there’s little we can do from preventing it from happening. I realised that what happened could have been far worse? The explosion could have been more powerful, and it could have fried my motherboard, or even more powerful and blew off my hand, or electrocuted me. On the other hand, it could have possibly not have happened at all, and I wouldn’t even be thinking these thoughts. What mattered however was that it had happened, and I was fortunate to have my efforts at averting its consequences successful, because even those could have been unsuccessful, and I would have still been in a mess. I felt grateful at the way things had turned out and I returned to my department to continue typing and editing my article.
Today is Tuesday and the time is 7:14 PM, about 44 hours past the time I planned to upload the article I wrote. I couldn’t finish editing on Sunday, because my battery went out. I couldn’t do it yesterday partly because I had a lot of other more important things to do, and partly because I was lazy. I hope to complete it today, but I can’t say categorically if I will. I am currently in my department, power is out, and my laptop battery is low. I didn’t plan on power going out today, but it did. And that’s life for all of us.
‘krama
Tuesday, 06 August 2013
